Curious Seth

I thought we were past the "Why?" phase with Seth. Yesterday, he proved me wrong. At the end of the day, I was quite speechless, and I felt physically sore from all the interrogating I went through. I don't know what it was about yesterday, but his mind was exploding with curiosity. I visualized his brain developing like one of those nature shows where they show a flower blooming in quantum speed. It started at breakfast with conversations like this:

Seth: "Where do people come from?"
Me: (trying to avoid the 'where babies come from' talk) "God made the first people, Adam and Eve, out of dirt."
Seth: "Okay. After that, where did all the other people come from?"

And then, later, another Bible story example:
Seth: "Why are there two different Jesuses?" (you try pluralizing Jesus)
Me: "There aren't."
Seth: "Well, in that story there was Baby Jesus, and in this story there's the man, Jesus."

This sort of thing went on all day, with regular questions still in play. (i.e.,"What are you doing? Why? When are we going outside?")

My breaking point came at dinner. We ate at Torrero's, a Mexican restaurant in Cary where there is a live musician who plays traditional Mexican tunes like "La Cucaracha" as he roams around the dining area. We have eaten there once before, and it was a big hit with Seth who LOVES all things music. Last time, it served to keep him quiet while he ate because he was listening so intently. This time, not so much. The questions that I can remember: "Why does he like to sing?" "Is he singing in Spanish?" "What does the song mean?" "Why does he play next to tables that are empty?" "Is he going to sing over here?" "Is he done?" "Why does he play next to tables that are empty?" "Why doesn't he stand in front of the table when he sings to people?" "Why does he play next to tables that are empty?" Yes, he asked that one many, many times. I answered it mostly the same each time, but apparently my answer was not satisfactory, or he quit listening the moment he finished asking the question. After being asked again why the man was singing, I sent Seth to sit next to Shaun.

On the way home, we faced a detour as a portion of the road was being repaved, and things went like this:
Seth: "Why are all those trucks over there?"
Me: "They are fixing the road."
Seth: "Why?"
Me: "It needed to be repaved."
Seth: "What is 'repaved?'"
Me: "When they put new pavement down..."
Seth: "What is pavement?"
Me: "The stuff the road is made out of."
Seth: "How do they do that?"
Me: (tired) "I don't know. I don't work for the road crew. "
Seth: (a small pause to process that one) "Are they going to do this side too?"
Me: "Again, I have no idea."
Seth: "Why are they doing it over there?"
Me: "No more questions about the road."

All of this went on and on. I don't know what was going on with him. He always asks a lot of questions, but the amount yesterday was unreal. I answered all of them; however, many of them were met with impatience and brevity. After he was in bed, I had the same moment of guilt I have every night once things are peaceful. I reflect on my impatience with these beautiful little people God has given to us. It doesn't kill me to answer questions, after all. I thought about how wonderful it was that he can even form these questions and is unafraid to ask them. Seth cares so much about how people think, how things work, and what's happening around him. He is amazing, and I regret for his sake, once again, that he is the first. I know that I will be much more equipped to handle Brady's questions because of the intense training Seth has had me undergo. I had the thought during the quiet moments before bed that I don't ever want Seth to feel like he can't ask me anything. There will come a time when I won't always know what's flitting in and out of his mind, and the questions that may be rolling around in his brain will be the most important ones a person can ask in his life. I hope when that time comes that Seth will find me approachable, honest, and genuine with my responses. Until then, I know that I am only human, but I pray that God will give me the superhuman strength to answer everything from how eggs are scrambled to why the man at Torrero's likes to sing La Cucaracha standing next to empty tables.

A Child To Lead Them

I feel like a terrible mother. For over a week now, my son, who has been successfully potty-trained without incident for about seven months, has pooped in his pants. The first time it happened, I was shocked, but my reaction was calm. I treated it like an accident and was able to be nurturing. The second time, I was angry. I berated him for continuing to play when he knew he had to go to the bathroom. I could feel in my heart that this was not the correct response, but this is my first time through, and this is definitely unchartered territory. Since then, we have handled the situations in a variety of ways. We breezed through what we thought we knew to do. We took away toys; we bathed him and sent him to bed; we began asking him constantly and making him go rather than letting him decide. Today, after he seemed just as upset as I felt when it happened again, I felt helpless and hopeless. I didn't condemn him, and I withdrew former punishments because, clearly, they are not working. I blew the dust off of my What to Expect the Toddler Years book and read the advice of the "experts." According to that book, Seth must be feeling a lot of stress. This makes me so sad. I can only imagine what he must be stressed about. He has handled the transition into being a big brother rather well, but it can't be easy. If you know Seth, you know he is a delight. He is perceptive, empathetic, and witty. He has always had an uncanny ability to communicate with adults, and I have already seen God at work through him. Because of his intelligence, he has been a son, a "buddy," and a challenge to me. He spent the first three years of his life as a truly golden child. He is our first, and he is the first grandchild in our family. He has been smothered with love from family, and he has been assured over and over again that he is unique and talented and hilarious (which is the most important to him). He had his mommy all to himself, and I worked hard to make the most of our time. I tried to give him experiences that would challenge him and entertain him on a regular basis. Then, along comes an adorable baby. This was fine at first, but now the baby is starting to seem more like a person. Seth loves his brother, and he treats him well. He invests a lot of time in playing with Brady and trying to make him laugh. However, sharing the attention of grocery store cashiers, neighbors, his parents, and most recently, his grandparents seems to be taking its toll. I noticed that he was being neglected by strangers as they gawked over "the baby," but the worst occurrence of this was on a recent trip to Bojangles' where three staff people were oohing and ahhing over Brady while Seth stood there, literally waving and saying hello for minutes and no one ever looked at him. They really never looked at him. I saw the hurt on his face. I hurt for him. He has so much to give and is so very special, and he has had to adjust to being completely ignored. Trust me, we have not tried to ignore him here. I feel like I have worked harder than ever to make sure that he knows he is still important, but in reality, he needs more than I can give. I know that I can't fill that hole in his heart completely, but I am now acutely aware of it. His emotional deficiency has been made very tangible as I bathe his poor little body twice a day, washing away embarrassment and hurt at the same time. Each time he makes some sort of apology and promises he won't let it happen again. It brings tears to my eyes just to think about it. Once again, I have unwittingly failed my child. I need God's grace as much as I need Seth's. I pray that God will make him resilient as he is the first to lead us through parenting.