A Child To Lead Them

I feel like a terrible mother. For over a week now, my son, who has been successfully potty-trained without incident for about seven months, has pooped in his pants. The first time it happened, I was shocked, but my reaction was calm. I treated it like an accident and was able to be nurturing. The second time, I was angry. I berated him for continuing to play when he knew he had to go to the bathroom. I could feel in my heart that this was not the correct response, but this is my first time through, and this is definitely unchartered territory. Since then, we have handled the situations in a variety of ways. We breezed through what we thought we knew to do. We took away toys; we bathed him and sent him to bed; we began asking him constantly and making him go rather than letting him decide. Today, after he seemed just as upset as I felt when it happened again, I felt helpless and hopeless. I didn't condemn him, and I withdrew former punishments because, clearly, they are not working. I blew the dust off of my What to Expect the Toddler Years book and read the advice of the "experts." According to that book, Seth must be feeling a lot of stress. This makes me so sad. I can only imagine what he must be stressed about. He has handled the transition into being a big brother rather well, but it can't be easy. If you know Seth, you know he is a delight. He is perceptive, empathetic, and witty. He has always had an uncanny ability to communicate with adults, and I have already seen God at work through him. Because of his intelligence, he has been a son, a "buddy," and a challenge to me. He spent the first three years of his life as a truly golden child. He is our first, and he is the first grandchild in our family. He has been smothered with love from family, and he has been assured over and over again that he is unique and talented and hilarious (which is the most important to him). He had his mommy all to himself, and I worked hard to make the most of our time. I tried to give him experiences that would challenge him and entertain him on a regular basis. Then, along comes an adorable baby. This was fine at first, but now the baby is starting to seem more like a person. Seth loves his brother, and he treats him well. He invests a lot of time in playing with Brady and trying to make him laugh. However, sharing the attention of grocery store cashiers, neighbors, his parents, and most recently, his grandparents seems to be taking its toll. I noticed that he was being neglected by strangers as they gawked over "the baby," but the worst occurrence of this was on a recent trip to Bojangles' where three staff people were oohing and ahhing over Brady while Seth stood there, literally waving and saying hello for minutes and no one ever looked at him. They really never looked at him. I saw the hurt on his face. I hurt for him. He has so much to give and is so very special, and he has had to adjust to being completely ignored. Trust me, we have not tried to ignore him here. I feel like I have worked harder than ever to make sure that he knows he is still important, but in reality, he needs more than I can give. I know that I can't fill that hole in his heart completely, but I am now acutely aware of it. His emotional deficiency has been made very tangible as I bathe his poor little body twice a day, washing away embarrassment and hurt at the same time. Each time he makes some sort of apology and promises he won't let it happen again. It brings tears to my eyes just to think about it. Once again, I have unwittingly failed my child. I need God's grace as much as I need Seth's. I pray that God will make him resilient as he is the first to lead us through parenting.